Busy-ness

They put a permanant port in her chest to be able to do blood draws and IV's for her. But when we left the hospital they forgot to pull everything out of her. They left in all the IV access tubing. Not a good thing. But I'm glad we have in-home nursing to be able to care for it.

This is the bottles of medicine that she has to take everyday. Needless to say I feel like a pharmacist. Too bad I don't get paid like they do.

This has been a crazy month. We've had a lot going on.

Mom's surgery was on December 20th and all went very well. She did really great. As a matter of fact she had an easier time with the mastectomy than she did with the lumpectomy. All seemed to go really well. She was getting up and down by herself and actually had a great attitude. We found out that the cancer has envaded the nodal fluid. So for now we are treating her with some medicine that she takes in a pill form. But she is having a really hard time with this medicine. It has caused her to bloat really bad, and it's caused her arthritis to be unbearable. We had to put her in the hospital last week due to not being able to breath. And now that we have her home she is struggling with moving and getting up and down, breathing is more labored. She seriously cannot be left alone in the house because she can't get up and down by herself.

I know I struggle because she's given up on life. She doesn't care if she's sick, she does't care to socialize with anyone. She just wants to lay in bed all day and feel sorry for herself. I find myself getting angry with her because she just won't try to come out with the family, she won't walk and do the things she needs to to help me. She's given up and so it's putting a lot of stress on me. I'm havin to pull her up off the bed to get her to move to the comode next to the bed, I'm having to roll her over in bed because she won't do it. She won't even pick her own feet up to put them in the bed. I'm exhausted and I know it's the right thing to do to help her but at some point when do I say I've had enough. I feel so guilty thinking about a nursing facility, but she isn't willing to do things for herself at all and I'm afraid I'm going to get hurt tryin to lift her 400 lb body. If I get hurt than who is going to take care of her? But I also know that elderly people just give up if they're put in nursing facilities too. So what to do?

"Let us then fearlessly and confidently and boldly draw near to the throne...and find grace to help in good time for every need (appropriate help and well-timed help, coming just when we need it.)." Hebrews 4:16 AMP

Dear Father, please order my steps and guide me through each day. Give me wisdom as I continue on this caregivers journey.