4 weeks and still quiet

As we approach the fourth week of my exile from my only daughter and grandchildren I can only say that God is my anchor. I have spent the majority of the last 4 weeks crying. I hold it together for Dean and my mom, but when I'm alone I cry, no let me clarify that, I sob. I hurt and I cry out to God to take this horrible emptiness away. I thank him for loving me like no other. I've been angry and I've been dismayed that somehow I'm to blame in this standoff. God tells us to honor our father and mother. I was trying to do just that when I came home from my vacation. I'm still dismayed that my children would leave their grandmother who has been in the hospital twice this year alone without checking on her after promising me they would. But at this point all I can say is 7 years ago we lost our son Christopher. That pain and heartache is something I can't explain. I still have Chris moments where I will break down and cry. But I knew at that time it was forever. He was gone and I would never hold him or see him again. This pain I'm experiencing is much the same. I hurt just like when you lose a loved one. The only difference is that person is still alive. It's not permanant. I'm glad she will talk to Dean and my mother. But at this point she has said things and done things that are so damaging I don't know how I'll recover. I do know I love her with all my heart and I pray for her continously. I've sent texts, I've called her, I've sent an e-mail it's all I can do. I get nothing in return. My heart is broken, it's heavy with pain. Hebrews 2:9 and 18 we learn that Jesus "suffered death, so that by the grace of God He might taste death for everyone." Jesus took my hell so that I could go to His heaven. he did this so that His death would destroy him who holds the power of death-that is the devil and free those who all their lives were held captive in slavery by their fear of death. We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. I know that ultimately I will lose whatever, or whoever, I've been hanging onto except for the love of Jesus Christ, poured out on that cross. It's not just a cross. It's the only anchor that will be there for me when there's nothing left to hold onto. I think I've been putting my hope in the love of my family and putting so much time and attention on them ( as a mom we do that) and I've been neglecting putting God first. This is my time to refocus my life to Christ. To put him in charge of fulfilling who I'm supposed to be as a woman of God. My fullfillment over the last 26 years has been being the best mom and wife I could be and I don't really know if I've put the time into becoming the best Christian I could be. So now's my time of living for Christ and honoring Him for the new life He gave me. I can't change Ashley. I can't make her love me. I can't make her love God. Does it hurt yes, but is that hurt going to be my focus? NO!!! God is.