Tears

I don't know how many times I've cried in the last two weeks. I keep thinking about the situation, replaying it in my head. I wake up in the night thinking about Layton or Eden. I can't sleep, and I can't function. I know I'm in this depression and I'm trying to get by. I try to be cheery for everyone because I don't want my pain to show. My heart feels so full of sorrow I can't begin to explain it. I cry out to God to take it away. I ask him to help me understand why I'm going through this. I ask him to watch over Ashley and her children to protect them.

Then I go through utter dismay at what was done or not done. I've written Ashley but I've now been told that her e-mail has been changed. So I am not her friend on facebook, and she's changed her e-mail so I can't contact her. If something were to happen to Dean or I, or her brother I couldn't let her know.

I know I have to leave it at the foot of the cross and I know I have to trust that God is in control of the situation, but I have to tell you my heart is wounded deeply. Each day is a new trial of rejection.

Please keep praying for us. We hurt.

Windy Tucker put this on Facebook today:
"therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. "
And she is so correct when she said some days it's just a lot harder to get dressed.