I can't say enough how much I dislike this holiday. It's the hardest holiday to celebrate for me. I hate having to go pick out a card for my dad. It makes me completely sick to my stomach. I can sit there and look at cards but they all say " you were there for me", "how much time we spent together doing things", "what a great dad you are", " what you taught me as a kid". I have to find a generic card that says Have a great day. I just cringe every year when it rolls around. I get sad about having a dad that live just two miles down the road but had to be forced to call, or to come get us to bring $50 for child support. For years I tried to call and see him to have him ignore me or ask about my sister. For years I had to endure the cruelty of my step-mother.
Don't get me wrong, I love my dad. I send a card every year. I remember his birthday. But I gave up visiting and calling years ago. I just got tired of being the one who cared. The pain is there every year.
I had a next door neighbor that I loved dearly. He was a single dad and he and my mom took care of each other kids the best they could. I felt closer to him than to my own dad. So when he got bone cancer a few years ago it was the hardest thing I've ever had to endure. I miss him so much and I am so grateful that he was part of my life and that he cared enough to call me his daughter.
On the other hand I appreciate a bible study I did with Linda Stanco a few years back on the Lords prayer. It taught me that I have a Father that loves me. That I can climb into his lap anytime I want and cry out and he hears me and loves me. He gives me the comfort and the strength that I need to get through the tough times. So this Father's day I was extremely thankful for my Heavenly Father for always being there for me.
No comments:
Post a Comment